Last week, we found out from a co-worker that her toddler, who is just 3 days older than Abby, knows all his ABCs and can count to 157. Approximately.

Hearing this inspired us to teach Abby something new this weekend. Something enriching. Something that would change her life for the better.

From Videos

If you don’t speak 2-year-old, here’s a translation. And the accompanying hand movement for her new trick is her version of the ASL sign for “ice.”

My daughter has invented this game. It’s called “Bellybutton Water.”

If she catches sight of your bellybutton, she’ll cup her hand to it to collect what is apparently a gush of water flowing from the bellybutton. Then she brings her hand to her mouth, and down the hatch the Bellybutton Water goes. And, of course, she sighs to express that her thirst has been quenched.

I didn’t teach this to her. Erik swears he didn’t either. This all came from her head.

I am a little bit concerned.

Photo by another sergio.

This Sleepless Quagmire series has probably been a little high on the pontification scale. So let’s get practical.

No matter if your baby has been sleeping five uninterrupted hours a night and then some, or if she is a finicky sleeper, I’ve gathered some tips to help you cope with those sleepless nights caused by teething or growth spurts. All of these tips come from real parents who have used them and had success using them. Every baby is different, so your mileage will vary. But just keep trying new stuff. What doesn’t work one week might be perfect the next.

Thanks to Ask Moxie for providing a forum for parents to share resources like this. While putting together this list, I read close to a thousand comments from parents on that site. And thank you, parents, for sharing your experiences!

If you have a trick that’s worked for you, please chime in with a comment so others will benefit from your experience. We need all the help we can get.

If You Suspect Teething

Since you can’t medicate your child 24 hours a day for the duration of every teething episode, here are some other ideas for helping ease the pain—for both of you.

1. Freeze a washcloth or two. Get some small terry washcloths, drench them in water, squeeze out the excess, and throw them in the freezer. When your baby is in pain, take out a washcloth, run it under water for a second to loosen it up just a bit, and let baby chew on it. It could be just enough to dull the pain so she can fall back asleep.

2. Try a popsicle before bed. No, not a sticky, sickly sweet popsicle you buy in the store. All that sugar before bed isn’t going to help the situation. Chamomile tea can aid the healing process, cause drowsiness, and ease irritability. So brew up a batch and freeze it into popsicles. You can find popsicle sticks at the grocery store, as well as an ice cube tray if you don’t have one. Remember that you’re going for small enough to fit in baby’s mouth.

One note on chamomile tea: It’s rare, but some people are allergic to chamomile. So try a small amount the first time, just to be on the safe side. And if baby is very young, they shouldn’t be getting much water so this probably isn’t the best tip for a young baby.

3. Go homeopathic. Hyland’s teething tablets have been a godsend for us. An urban legend that these tablets aren’t safe has caused some concern, but they are completely safe. Hyland’s also makes a gel that works great too.

4. Whisper sweet nothings. After baby falls asleep (be sure!), lean down so your mouth is close to baby’s ear. In the quietest whisper you can manage, repeat after me: “Poke through tonight, tooth. Because when the time comes, I can’t promise you won’t go mysteriously missing before you ever see the twinkle of the Tooth Fairy’s wand.”

Tips Good in Any Situation

Assuming you already have a regular, calming bedtime routine and a comfortable sleep environment for your baby, here are some other tips to help you get your baby ready for a good night’s sleep and to cope with her waking up in the middle of the night.

Before Bed

5. Strike a pose. Certain yoga poses can help baby relax and help her feel sleepy. If she’s not old enough to pose her own body, baby yoga books have suggestions for how you can help her. A few titles you can try:

• Sleepy Little Yoga: A Toddler’s Sleepy Book of Yoga
• Itsy Bitsy Yoga: Poses to Help Your Baby Sleep Longer, Digest Better, and Grow Stronger
• My Daddy Is a Pretzel: Yoga for Parents and Kids

Or if you think yoga is too new-agey, try baby massage. With a couple simple moves, baby’s eyes will start drooping. I don’t have any books to recommend because we just wing it, but search for “baby massage” and you’ll find plenty of resources out there.

6. Teach baby what to do with her body. We know how to quiet our bodies before sleep, but babies need to learn that. You can start explaining this even to young babies. Though it may feel silly at first, you’re teaching them the language too. In a soothing voice, tell baby to close her eyes, keep her legs still, keep her arms still, take a deep breath—whatever you can think of that would help her body relax.

7. Ensure sweet dreams. Before bed, ask baby what she wants to dream about. If she’s not old enough to answer, give her a few ideas based on things she loves to do. For example, if like Abby she loves eating strawberries, suggest that she dream about going to a meadow, looking for wild strawberries, picking them, and eating them fresh. Describe concrete images, colors, and smells.

8. Make baby the parent. Get baby’s favorite stuffed animal or doll and hand it to her. Explain that Mr. Bear is sleepy and wants to go to bed, but he needs help falling asleep. Ask her if she’ll sing to him, pat his back, tuck him in—whatever she thinks will help. If she’s not old enough to do this herself, you can put Mr. Bear to bed while she watches and narrate every step, explaining you’re helping him to relax so he can get rest and have the energy he needs to play tomorrow. Role-playing is a trick we first heard about in Playful Parenting, and it’s helped us clear several parenting hurdles.

9. Plan ahead. Tell baby what to do when she wakes up in the middle of the night. If she’s old enough to sleep with her favorite stuffed animal or doll, you could suggest this: “Tonight, if you wake up and it’s still dark outside, ask Mr. Bear if he will snuggle with you and help you fall back asleep.” Or pick something else she could try on her own to soothe herself back to sleep.

10. Read in the dark. Some nights, Abby wants a second bedtime story. Then a third, a fourth, and before we know it we’ve spent a full hour reading and she’s gotten
her second wind. So set a limit on the number of books you’ll read, then switch off the light and start an audio book. If you haven’t listened to audio books together, start by getting one of baby’s favorite books on CD. Make sure it’s a nice, calming bedtime story.

When Baby Wakes Up

11. Make the rounds. Pick baby up and walk her around the house until she calms down. In a soft voice, point out that it’s dark outside, all the lights are off, big brother/sister is sleeping, your friend across the street is sleeping, the pets are sleeping—anything that will reinforce that it’s bedtime and no one else is up having fun.

12. Take a walk. We’ve had to do this a handful of times when nothing else worked. Put baby in the stroller and just go. The fresh air and dark night should eventually lull her back to sleep.

Bonus Tip!

I’ve got one more for you, but I didn’t want to have “13″ in the title of this post, lest it bring me bad sleeping luck. This tip comes from my friend Lacy, who has a blog of her own called Hybrid Cars & Cottages.

12.5. Build a playlist. Music might soothe your sleepless beast of a baby. Put together a playlist of soothing music and play it during your bedtime routine. Abby likes Jack Johnson and Ingrid Michaelson. Lacy’s twin boys like to chill out to Jewel’s Lullaby album.

Especially with young babies, try to steer clear of classical music and jazz, as they tend to be complex and stimulating to babies. Pick simple and repetitive music, like lullabies. If you’re lucky, you might be able to find a lullaby rendition of a favorite artist in the Rockabye Baby! series. (But Metallica? Really?)

Your Turn

What’s worked for you when your kid is waking up in the middle of the night? Add a comment below so the rest of us can benefit from your experience!

Photos by biblicone, dericafox, Jessica Wait, and Vermin Inc.

Ever since I brought up the sleepless quagmire of parenting, an elephant in the corner has been politely clearing his throat. Hem hem, says the elephant. Cryitout. Hem, hem.

Before we get any further, I know I’m probably going to hurt some feelings. Maybe even piss some people off. That is not my intention. I just want to share my world view on the whole “cry it out” issue. A world view that is just as valid as your world view. As much as I love to be right as a general rule, becoming a mother taught me early on that as long as parenting comes from a place of love and respect for the child, there is no wrong or right. We are all just doing the best we know how.

Onto the Controversy!

First, let’s sync up on terminology.

My definition of “cry it out” is this: When the baby cries, the parent leaves the child alone and does not respond in any way.

Some people also use “cry it out” as a blanket label to describe the Ferber method or the Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, among others. However, it is possible to apply those particular methods with success without leaving your baby alone to “cry it out.” Full disclosure: Most of those techniques haven’t felt like a good fit for us or for Abby, but I know plenty of families who have been happy with their results using those techniques.

So if they work, why haven’t we used these behavior modification techniques?

We didn’t want to make you feel bad, but since you asked: It’s because Abby has been sleeping 14 uninterrupted hours a night since she was two days old.

Really?!?

Have you seen the twin Grand Canyons under my eyes? Abby’s not the best sleeper, even when she’s not coping with teething, sickness, or growth spurts. Part of that is due to our being clueless first-time parents, but we’re learning. For example, it wasn’t that many months ago when we still didn’t have a consistent bedtime routine for her.

But back to “cry it out” and why we haven’t tried it with Abby. Here are the facts as I understand them from reading several books and magazine articles on the subject:

• When a baby is in a stressful situation such as crying without being responded to by a caregiver, her system is flooded with the stress hormone cortisol.
• During a cortisol overload, her brain is not learning new skills, such as the skill to “self-soothe.”
• Side note: The part of the brain that helps with self-soothing isn’t well developed until the age of 2.5 to 3 years.
• When the baby does eventually stop crying without any caregiver attention, it’s because she’s tired herself out. Her system can’t handle the stress anymore.

We’ve all cried ourselves to sleep before—except my macho husband of course. We know what this feels like. While you were crying yourself to sleep, did you pick up any new skills?

Here is what I believe, based on the reading I’ve done: Applied to the extreme, what the “cry it out” method teaches a baby is not the skill of soothing herself to sleep. What it teaches her is that when she is stressed about falling asleep, her caregiver will not help her cope with that stress.

Babies need help learning how to fall asleep, just like anything else. Why are we so averse to teaching them this particular skill? It would be like if while teaching our babies to use the potty, we duct-taped their asses to the toilet, said “Figure it out,” and shut the bathroom door to leave them to work it out.

The Bottom Line?

You don’t have to choose between leaving your baby to cry it out and getting up every two hours to shush her back to sleep. That’s what’s called a sucker’s choice, and it’s a crock of elephant poo. How ridiculous would it be if you were struggling to eat healthier and lose weight, and someone said to you: “Well, you can keep stuffing your face at every opportunity, or you’re going to have to stop eating altogether. Your choice.”

If you want to teach your baby the new skill of how to soothe herself to sleep, the book The No-Cry Sleep Solution is an excellent, easy-to-read resource.

But don’t forget to come back here tomorrow when I post 12 concrete, practical tips anyone can use to cope with baby’s night wakings. Because I don’t care how good a sleeper your baby is. She will get sick, she will get teeth, and she will have growth spurts. And on those nights, you’ll need all the help you can get.

Photos by Murilo Grafics, splityarn, and BreckenPool.

The first dirty little secret of parenting is that a full-term pregnancy is TEN months, not nine. I remember when I found out. I was a giddy prospective parent, reading the first of many pregnancy books, even before we were ready to start down the parenting road. I came across the phrase “40 weeks.” I did the math in my head. It was like finding out Mexican Martinis are made with O’Douls.

That lie was just the first of many we’ve come to uncover. But the biggest, by far, has been all the “sleep through the night” business.

Liar, Liar, Sleepless Quagmire

The medical definition of a baby who sleeps through the night is sleeping five uninterrupted hours. Since when is sleeping from 8:00 pm to 1:00 am “through the night”? C’mon, medical community! How much harder would it be for all you nurses and pediatricians to switch to asking if our little ones are “sleeping five hours straight”? It’s the same number of words, way more specific, and would make us poor sleepless schleps feel less of a failure.

But it would be unfair of me to blame just the medical folk. Our fellow parents propagate this one too. You know the parents who say their sweet little angels have been sleeping all night, every night—without waking up once—since the age of 2 months? I think they’re probably lying to us. Could be they have very selective memories, or they drink to forget.

Either way, we don’t have to like them very much.

To be fair, though, when I’ve swallowed my pride enough to probe for more information when talking to one of these parents, I find out to them, the nights of dealing with sickness and teething don’t count. Kind of like having sweets during the holidays isn’t really cheating on your diet.

And don’t forget the growth spurts! During these most magical of times when your baby’s brain doubles in size and years are shaved off your life due to lack of sleep, charming junior will all but sit back and laugh as you desperately cling to the life preserver of your trusty bedtime routine. Think I’m kidding? This is 16-month-old Abby awake at 3 in the morning.

Your Turn: Did you go into parenthood knowing the truth about a typical baby’s sleeping habits? Or, like us, did you think after a few hard months at the beginning, you’d start getting a full night’s sleep every night thereafter?

More Where That Came From

Tomorrow, check back for part 2 of 3 in this Sleepless Quagmire series. I’m probably going to piss off a lot of people. It will be pretty awesome.

But to make up for my insensitivity, the final post in this series will include 12 concrete, practical tips anyone can use to cope with baby’s night wakings. Stay tuned!

Photos by Evil Erin and me.

Erik runs to work early on Wednesday mornings, so we don’t see him at all in the morning. Our nanny used to come on Wednesday mornings, so she would help take care of Abby so I could finish getting ready for work.

But this week, Abby started preschool full-time. That meant that this morning, it was just me and Abby.

I took mental stock of the morning as it progressed so you could see how very talented I am as a mother.

• 1 baby nursing from dawn until 8 am
• 1 tired mama walking out into the living room with 1 happy baby on her hip



• 1 dog found sleeping on the couch
• 1 dog yelled at and put outside
• 1 diaper pooped in while dog was put outside
• 1 diaper changed
• 1 mama feeling guilty about dog being outside in the cold
• 1 dog brought back inside
• 2 bowls of oatmeal made, 1 for mama and 1 for baby
• 2 bowls of oatmeal eaten
• 1 diaper pooped in while eating oatmeal
• 1 diaper changed
• 1 baby still hungry
• 0.5 banana eaten by baby



• 0.5 banana handed from baby’s hand to dogs’ mouths
• 1 mama deciding she doesn’t have time to care about germs this morning
• 1 dog disappearing from the banana-eating area
• 1 dog returning to the banana-eating area and depositing a mouthful of cat poop at 1 mama’s feet
• 1 dog yelled at and put outside
• 1 shower for mama while 1 baby played with mama’s make-up
• 1 diaper pooped in while mama showered
• 1 diaper changed
• 1 baby still hungry
• 10 spirulina cookies eaten (approximate)



• 1 baby nursing before it was time to leave for school
• 1 baby wanting more even after milk source is depleted
• 1 mama distracting 1 baby by talking about Baby Bear and Mama Bear and Jayden (the baby doll)
• 1 mama dressing 1 baby while baby squirmed and twisted
• 1 mama brushing 1 baby’s teeth while baby squirmed and twisted and clamped her mouth shut
• 1 mama picking up 3 bags and putting bags on her shoulder: 1 mama lunch, 1 mama laptop bag, 1 baby lunch (and thankful that 1 daddy already made baby’s lunch!)
• 1 mama and 1 baby ready to leave the house…victory!



• 1 mama opening the front door and holding 1 baby’s hand at the threshold to help her step down
• 1 baby deciding she wanted to bring a book in the car
• 1 mama shutting the door and getting the book
• 1 mama and 1 baby ready to leave the house again
• 1 mama opening the front door
• 1 baby deciding she wanted to bring Baby Bear
• 1 mama shutting the door and getting the Baby Bear
• 1 mama and 1 baby ready to leave the house
• 1 mama opening the front door
• 1 mama and 1 baby in the car at 10:14 am, 1 hour later than planned
• 1 baby arriving at school in the outside play area where baby’s class was already gathered
• 1 mama spending 5 minutes to get baby engaged in playing with her friends at school
• 1 mama standing up and walking away to leave for work
• 1 baby realizing mama is no longer standing in front of her
• 1 baby crying for mama



• 1 teacher picking up 1 crying baby
• 1 mama leaving while 1 baby is still crying
• 1 mama feeling like a meanie
• 1 mama doing her make-up in car (only when stopped, of course)
• 1 mama arriving to work 9 minutes before her first meeting of the day

Photos by Pedro Moura Pinheiro, kona99, eggman, ntr23, and fikirbaz.

Abby turns 1 on Monday. Every day, she seems a little more grown up. Like yesterday, she would not let me hold her cup for her. She insisted on holding it herself. A year ago, she couldn’t even hold up her own head!

This weekend, we’re having a party for her with a few friends. But what do you do at a 1-year-old’s birthday party? Are there games to play? Do you all sit around and drink beer while she crawls around and around like she’s training to be a whirling dervish?

Aside from the party, one tradition we want to try is writing a letter to Abby every year, sealing them up, then giving them to her when she’s 18.

What birthday traditions do you have?

You’ve timed everything perfectly. She’s fed, she’s well rested, and she has a clean diaper on. You have just enough time to put on her socks and shoes before you have to leave and make it to your one Official Baby Enrichment Activity for the weekend—storytime at the local bookstore.

You sit down, plop her on your lap facing forward, and put her left sock on. But as you turn your attention to the right sock, she’s already pulled off the left sock. Right sock in place, you turn back to the left sock, and she zeroes in on the right. Rinse, repeat, and lather yourself into a frenzy as the start of storytime passes and you’re still trying to get your kid’s damn socks on.

Abby has cold feet pretty much all the time. If we try to sneak socks on her feet after she’s fallen asleep, she knows. When we wake up in the morning, the socks are gone and she’s just lying there like an angel.

So we waited. And plotted. And waited some more. Finally, the weather in Austin got chilly enough to implement our wicked scheme to keep our child’s feet warm at night—footy pajamas.

I picked up a super cute pair of red-and-white jammies at Whole Foods made by Under the Nile. Abby looked adorable in them, and her toes were warm. Success!

But here’s the thing about footy pajamas, or at least footy pajamas with my kid. Abby still soaks at least one diaper by 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning. That means the footy pajamas have to come off, the diaper has to be changed, and the pajamas have to go back on, all while she cries and cries and cries her heart out.

This particular pair of pajamas has snaps from the middle of one knee all the way up to the neck. Do you have any idea how hard it is to redo forty-two freaking snaps at 2:00 in the morning in the dark while your baby is crying buckets and you’re barely awake?

So here’s my parenting tip of the day: When in the market for footy pajamas, steer clear of snaps. The zipper is a wonderful invention.

We found some cute, organic, zippered footy pajamas made by Green Babies that are working out much better. They’re a little on the pricey side, although footypajamas.com is having a sale. We figured if we couldn’t invest in a completely organic wardrobe for Abby, we could at least spend $30 on a pair of organic pajamas since she spends 12 hours of every day in pajamas.

While I’ll take these zipper pajamas over snap pajamas any day, it’s not the most ideal solution because we still have to unzip, take both legs out, change the diaper, put both legs back in, then zip back up. There’s gotta be a better way.

To all the parents out there: Do you have an anti-sock child? And if so, what do you do to keep their feet warm at night?

This year, I read almost as many books as the previous 2 years combined. 70 was the grand total for the year. (Who knew having a kid would give me more reading time?)

I’m always looking for book recommendations, so tell me: What were your favorite books last year?

Okay, okay. I’ll go first. My two favorites of the year also make it to my all-time favorites list, so I would highly recommend them to anyone and everyone:

• Nonfiction: Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life
• Fiction: The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks

And there are a few more I’d recommend to specific folks…

For the Kids (or Kids at Heart)

• Feathers
• Flush
• Olive’s Ocean
• The Penderwicks on Gardam Street (start with The Penderwicks)
• The Tales of Beedle the Bard
• Theodosia and the Serpents of Chaos
• The Underneath

For the Teens

• The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks
• Rebel Angels and The Sweet Far Thing (start with A Great and Terrible Beauty)

And go ahead and read the Twilight series. It’s not the best stuff in the world, but it’s fun as hell.

For the Aspiring Writers

• How to Become a Famous Writer Before You’re Dead: Your Words in Print and Your Name in Lights
• No Plot? No Problem! A Low-Stress, High-Velocity Guide to Writing a Novel in 30 Days
• Writer Mama: How to Raise a Writing Career Alongside Your Kids

For the Expecting or New Parents
Yes, I know you’re tired and/or have a lot to do. But these are all worth it, I promise.

• Baby Minds: Brain-Building Games Your Baby Will Love
• Baby Signs: How to Talk with Your Baby Before Your Baby Can Talk
• The Diaper-Free Baby: The Natural Toilet Training Alternative
• Good Nights: The Happy Parents’ Guide to the Family Bed (and a Peaceful Night’s Sleep!)
• The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer
• Nursing Mother, Working Mother
• The Vaccine Book: Making the Right Decision for Your Child

For the Other Parents

• Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason
• Waiting for Birdy: A Year of Frantic Tedium, Neurotic Angst, and the Wild Magic of Growing a Family

Finally, Some 2008 Stats
I tend to read a novel or two in between every nonfiction book, so these numbers make sense:
Fiction: 66%
Nonfiction: 34%

And here’s the breakdown within the fiction category:
Adult fiction: 13%
YA or kids’ fiction: 87%

We’re in Oregon for the holidays, and tonight we had dinner at Standing Stone Brewing Co so Erik could sample their craft brews.

Before the food came to the table, Erik was holding Abby and walking her around the restaurant. He walked right by a woman at the bar who was staring at Abby.

“Oh my God, look at those eyes,” she said.

Erik stopped walking so the woman could get a better look at Abby.

“That is the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen.”

“Oh, thank you,” Erik said.

You’d think calling someone’s baby the most beautiful baby you’ve ever seen would be the compliment to end all compliments, but the woman continued.

“She makes me want to stop taking my birth control.”

Her boyfriend sitting next to her didn’t look too happy.